Navigator

I'm afraid of letting go

Surrendering control

I'd rather stick to the familiar

Habits that I know

 

But there's a better plan for me

And it's something I can't see

And I realize I have to learn

To trust God completely

 

So I'll set out on this journey

With Jesus at my side

The Bible as my compass

And the Spirit as my guide

 

I am the pilot

But alone I know I'll never find my way

I am the pilot

But by myself I always go astray

When I can't see the horizon

I got Jesus to focus my eyes on

And He'll keep me flying true

Whether skies are cloudy or blue

On the course set by my Creator

He is the navigator of my soul

Favorite Movies of the Past 50(+1) Years (Part II)

Let's not waste any time.

1986 - Aliens
1987 - Full Metal Jacket
1988 - Die Hard
1989 - Indiana Jones & The Last Crusade
1990 - Goodfellas
1991 - The Silence Of The Lambs
1992 - Reservoir Dogs
1993 - Jurassic Park
1994 - Pulp Fiction
1995 - The Usual Suspects
1996 - Fargo
1997 - Men In Black
1998 - Saving Private Ryan
1999 - Fight Club
2000 - X-Men
2001 - LOTR: The Fellowship Of The Ring
2002 - LOTR: The Two Towers
2003 - LOTR: The Return Of The King
2004 - Anchorman
2005 - Serenity
2006 - The Departed
2007 - 300
2008 - The Dark Knight
2009 - Watchmen
2010 - Harry Potter & The Deathly Hallows Part 1

And unsurprisingly, my pick for 2011 is Harry Potter & The Deathly Hallows Part 2. This was a fun project, with way too much time spent on Wikipedia going through the lists of movies for each year.

Favorite Movies of the Past 50(+1) Years (Part I)

I'm a nerd. I like lists. Used to make them all the time. Since I'm kinda starved for ideas, either song or rant, I thought I'd resurrect a little list project I was working on a while back.

The concept is simple - favorite movie from each of the last 50 years. Not the "best" movie - the movie that you would choose to watch if you were channel surfing and ran across it. As to be expected, there are quite a number of "guy movies".

1961 - The Guns Of Navarone
1962 - The Longest Day
1963 - The Great Escape
1964 - Goldfinger
1965 - Battle Of The Bulge
1966 - The Good, The Bad, & The Ugly
1967 - The Dirty Dozen
1968 - Bullitt
1969 - True Grit
1970 - MASH
1971 - Dirty Harry
1972 - The Godfather
1973 - The Sting
1974 - Blazing Saddles
1975 - Monty Python & The Holy Grail
1976 - Rocky
1977 - Star Wars
1978 - Animal House
1979 - The Jerk
1980 - The Empire Strikes Back
1981 - Raiders Of The Lost Ark
1982 - Star Trek II: The Wrath Of Khan
1983 - Return Of The Jedi
1984 - The Terminator
1985 - Back To The Future

Part II upcoming.

Can I See You Tonight

Desperation
I'm callin' out your name
I feel the ache inside
Can you take away the pain
I'm tired of waiting
To finaly see the day
I can hold you in my arms
There has got to be a way

Oh baby, can I see you tonight
Baby, will you turn on the light
The one that leads me to your door
'Cause I can't find it anymore
Ever since the day you told me goodbye

Times are changin'
And I've fallen off my stride
I can't live another day
Without you by my side
I can't escape it
The feeling is too strong
Our lovin' is so right
I just know it can't be wrong

Just Another Christmas Song

Well Halloween is barely gone

There's Black Friday deals on Amazon

But I don't understand why they're on

'Cause it ain't Thanksgiving yet

There are Santas on my TV screen

With the networks raking in the green

And in all the excitement it seems

That there's one thing we forget

That's the reason for the season

This is just another Christmas song

And it won't be here for very long

'Cause when January comes along

They're put away where they belong

So let's sing a song to Jesus Christ

Who took our sin and paid the price

See it's not about the presents or a tree

It's about eternal life for you and me

The PA's in the shopping malls

Play "Jingle Bells" and "Deck The Halls"

And I wonder if we know at all

What we're really doing here

'Cause we'll wait five hours in the rain

For a Barbie doll or Xbox game

And we never really act the same

Any other time of year

Let it lead us back to Jesus

Let's put the Christ back into Christmas

And never miss a chance to witness

To what the Savior's doing in our lives

And let's sing our songs to Jesus Christ

Who took our sin and paid the price

And sacrificed himself upon the tree

To buy eternal life for you and me

Where Do I Belong

Father, if you're listening

I need to talk to you

There's a burden on my heart

And I don't know what to do

 

I've always tried to follow

Where the spirit leads

But the place that I have come to

Conflicts with what I read

 

How can something feel so right

When the Bible says it's wrong

Your word is written on my heart

And it's been there all along

So how do I explain

Why this feeling is so strong

Father, please tell me

Where do I belong

 

Lord, if you got time

I got something to say

I'm tired of feeling all alone

Each and every day

 

So tell me if you can

Is the one I'm waiting for

The one that I would give my heart

For now and ever more

All I Have To Do

Lord what must I do

To live forevermore

Should I sell all my possessions

And give the money to the poor

 

Do I love my God with all my heart

And my neighbor as myself

Do I set aside for the church

Ten percent of all my wealth

 

I know that I can never buy

Forgiveness for my sin

But you gave to me

A way to enter in

 

All I have to do is believe in you

All I have to do is know your word is true

It's true

You make all things new

I believe you came to rescue me

You took the chains upon yourself to set me free

I'm free

And in you I'll always be

Trust you

That's all I have to do

 

I fall short of your glory

And I will for all my days

'Cause I fail all your commandments

In a thousand different ways

 

If it's up to me I'll never see

The beauty of your face

But it's through your love

And your amazing grace

 

You take away my guilt and shame

All by the power of your name

Your righteousness is mine to claim

If I believe in you

It's all I have to do

You're Not Here

I sit here on the grass

Staring at the stone

Your name is etched upon it

Surrounded, yet alone

I think of all our dreams

And the plans we used to make

The things we'd do together

The trips that we would take

And I'm reminded...

You're not here

 

I lie here in my bed

There's room enough for two

But only one that sleeps here

Looks like it needs you too

There's lightning in the window

In the coming of the storm

And in spite of all the blankets

I just cannot stay warm

It's all because...

You're not here

 

You're not here to see the way the kids

Are growing up so tall

You're not here to know how being alone

Has made me feel so small

You're not here to watch the way that I

Have broken down and cried

You're not here to feel the cancer as

It eats you up inside

 

I sit here in the pew

Listening to the Word

Of Jesus' resurrection

It's the sweetest ever heard

You're in the Father's arms now

Free from any pain

And I have the blest assurance

That I'll see you once again

And it's okay that...

You're not here

Odds & Sods

I don't like to post incomplete things. Stories, songs, whatever. This is supposed to be a collection of stuff with a beginning, middle, and end - it's not a diary where I sit and kvetch about inconsequential nonsense, and how my life isn't going how I thought it would, and blah blah blah. Blech.

There comes a point where I have to get stuff down on "paper", before I lose/forget what I was working on. Vapor trails, and all that. That being said, I need to get some bits and pieces of songs somewhere permanent before they disappear into the mist.

Grace Abounding

I want to die to the power of sin and death
I want to live for the one who gives me breath
I want to be an example of righteousness
And grace abounding
Sing to the glory of his name
Who lifted me from the depths of my guilt and shame
Invited me into a kingdom I could not claim
And turned my life around

Not So Much

Tell me why can't I learn how to trust you
Why can't I give you my heart
Why do I keep doing all of those things
That constantly tear us apart
Why do I find it so hard to believe
In something that I can't touch
Your grace is sufficient
But my faith, not so much

Overcome Me

You've overcome the world
Now overcome me
I stumble in the darkness
'Cause I'm too blind to see
Your plans are so much greater
Than mine could ever be
You've overcome the world
Please overcome me

Demolition Day

"Our long national nightmare is over." - Gerald Ford

 

Toward the end of May I came to the conclusion (with the not-so-subtle encouragement of park management) that the leaky, falling-apart sieve of a mobile home that had been, well, home for almost nine years had gone well past its useful lifespan (35 years) and needed to be totally gutted and rebuilt, or needed to be gone. I thought long and hard about trying to fix it up for oh, about 30 seconds, and decided that idea was a total non-starter. Time to find a new place to hang my hat.

 

That is, if I ever wore one. Might have to buy a new hat too.

 

Looked at what it would cost for a new unit. $125,000. Uh, no. I had that kind of money once, but not at this time in my life, and didn't want a mortgage payment on top of space rent.

 

Lo and behold, there was an empty unit that had been foreclosed on two years earlier, right across the street, listed at $44,500. That's more like it! An escrow officer friend from church put me in touch with her realtor friend, and we made a nice lowball offer to the bank holding the note. They countered, I accepted. $42K. Game on!

 

Since none of this was instantaneous, it left me with a 10-day window to close escrow before July 1. Oh dear. Now I had to wrangle the cooperation of my own bank, first to close out two accounts (which by some lame fedearl regulation or whatnot takes three days), have them overnight the checks to me (why couldn't they just wire it to my checking account? I dunno), and then beg the accounts guy at my local branch to make the funds available the next day so I could wire the whole shebang to the escrow company. It closed late afternoon on June 30.

 

The nice thing about moving a grand total of 50 feet is that you don't have to pack much, other than books, CDs, knicknacks, and the like. Just pile stuff on a dolly and wheel it across the street. By the end of the first day we had the beds, dresser, bookcases, and living room chairs (the couch stayed) moved. The rest of the weekend brought the kitchen contents. I ended up hand washing every single dish, pot, pan, piece of silverware, etc.

 

Bought all new appliances (we inherited a dryer left behind from the old owners - runs great), desk, nightstands, and shed.

 

Oh my god, the shed. Metal shed, 6' x 8'. How much trouble could it be to put it together? Shouldn't take more than a few hours for me and the teenager, right?

 

Took the better part of two days (not to mention a few chunks of skin from the two of us). Used more than 200 screws, nuts, bolts, washers - each (actually double the washers). It stands slightly crooked, just enough to offend my OCD-ness, but nowhere near enough to justify trying to straighten out.

 

The rest of July was spent slowly going through each room of the old house and going through what was left. Closets. Toy boxes. Hope chest. And where the hell did all these dirty clothes come from???

 

Saturday was demolition day. I can't tell you what a surreal experience it was seeing this huge backhoe (with a "thumb" attachment) tear massive chunks out of the place I called home longer than anywhere else I can remember. I can't tell you because I haven't yet processed how I feel about it. My new house is way nicer (if much smaller), and will eventually feel like home, once I get all the boxes of books out of the middle of my living room. I may burst into tears at some point in the future for no apparent reason, but we'll just have to see. It feels like I have a mild case of post traumatic stress disorder. The past 2 1/2 months have certainly not been easy, but they are in the past.

 

The future is ours to make.

Humble Beginnings

They didn't have a building of their own
But they had a call to answer
And God's word to make known
There was a new community to serve
And a need for "Here I am, Lord"
From someone with the nerve
So as the wind from the orange groves
Blew on that fateful morn
A new family in Christ was born

From humble beginnings
We gather here today
What God has created
The world can't take away
The call is still the same
His love we will proclaim
And until the job is done we're here to stay

They didn't have a place where they could stay
They'd come all the way from Galilee
With a baby on the way
The rooms were all full for the night
But there was space in the barn
If that would be alright
So as the star shone on that silent night
O'er a lowly manger stall
The son of God came for us all

No matter were you're headed
No matter where you're from
As long as you're with Jesus Christ
The best is yet to come

You Inspire Me

You make me want to be more than I am

You make me want to do more than I can

You give me courage to leave my comfort zone

 

You fill me with passion beyond all compare

To go and accomplish more than I dare

When my spirit fails me you lend to me your own

 

You inspire me

To be the man I never thought I'd be

You inspire me

To see the things I never thought I'd see

To break the chains of fear and doubt

Forever holding me

You inspire me

 

 I hope that I can help you to understand

The way I feel when I'm holding your hand

My heart soars higher than it's ever been before

 

I never dreamed it could be like this

You set my world on fire just with one kiss

My soul is yours for now and evermore

Impossible

I got boxes that reach to the sky
In stacks over six feet high
It's a beautiful house
But it doesn't feel like home

To buy it was always a dream
But it's crashing down it seems
'Cause since you're gone
My heart has turned to stone

I'm starting to think it's impossible
To go on living without you
'Cause the more that I try
The more I break down and cry
And I don't know what I'm ever gonna do
My impossible you

Somehow there must be a way
To make it through each day
To bury the pain
And heartache deep inside

Maybe someday I'll find
A way to leave it all behind
But as for now
I need a place to hide

Chorus

Lost in the Wilderness

I thought that I was listening to you
I thought that I was walking straight and true
But when I look back upon my life I see
The one that I was listening to was me

So here I am, lonely and confused
Broken down with nothing left to lose
Praying for forgiveness from my sin
And begging you to rescue me again

I am lost in the wilderness
And I need you to come and find me
My life is a terrible mess
And I need you now to guide me
I can't seem to find the way alone
And I know only you can lead me home
On the path of righteousness

My pride is what has led me to this place
So I lay it down and humbly seek your face
And commit myself to follow you this time
That the will I serve is yours instead of mine

Chorus

I can do all things
With the strength you give to me
But I've fastened myself up in chains
Only you can set me free

Chorus

Golden Fist

Time is growing short for the man

With the belt around his waist

The list of pretenders to the throne

Is getting hard to face

They claim he's over the hill

But they know he's undefeated still

And they can't wait to take the title away

From the man with the golden fist

 

Some say the kid is ready

But no one knows for sure

For the number one contender

The title's a big lure

But he knows he won't be king

Until he steps into the ring

To meet the the man who they call champion

The man with the golden fist

 

The ruler's days are numbered

The writing's on the wall

He's been measured and found wanting

And he's headed for a fall

The only thing that's missing

Is someone to heed the call

'Cause he's battled through them all

 

This fight will be the last one

You can see it in his eyes

His body has betrayed him

Time has claimed its prize

But he never will retire

Because his heart still holds the fire

And the passion of a hero

The man with the golden fist

 

The crowd looks on in silence

As the doctors rush the floor

He's lying still and lifeless

He'll rise again no more

And no one thinks to sing

The king is dead, long live the king

But you can read it in the papers

A requiem for the golden fist

 

There will never be another

Man with the golden fist

Writer's Block

It's something that every writer experiences, and something that nearly every writer writes about. The dreaded Writer's Block. In my case, it's song lyrics - I don't like to post something that's not complete, and I have half a dozen songs in various stages of undone-ity. One song might have verses and chorus, but no bridge. Another might just be a chorus. Another a snippet of an idea, but no real structure behind it.

 

One song that has been dominating my creative headspace for the past month or so was the first song (really, just a couple verses) I ever wrote, some 25-30 years ago, after discovering Rush. Moving Pictures has just come out, and it was musical nirvana to my teenage ears. So, almost out of nowhere, I penned a bit of ultra cheese about an aging boxing (it was bigger then) champion coming to the end of his career.

 

I have come to the sad conclusion that I am going to have to finally finish this thing and get it out of my skull before I can move on with other stuff, so that's going to be my next post - I actually have in idea of where it needs to go now. Like Victor Hugo, who took 30 years off in the middle of Les Miserables, it's taken me 30 years to finish this. I promise not to write eight chapters about the Parisian sewer system, however.

 

Seems like 30 - Could you ask as much from any other man?

 

But as you the (nonexistent) reader point out, not everything I post is a song lyric. Why couldn't I post a rant about what's going on in my life? Well... it's a long story.

 

That's part of the problem. The long story isn't finished yet. As I said before, I don't like to post things that aren't complete. This isn't a diary - what I write should have a beginning, a middle, and an end. And so far, there has been no end in sight. So far. That might change soon.

 

Why so damn cryptic? Confidentiality. How do I write about people who are (and known by other) occasional readers of this blog? I don't know that I will ever be able to tell the story, or even hint about it.

 

Expect to see a rant sometime in the near future. I'm going through a move, and not only am I hemorraging money, but I'm turning gray in the process. At any rate, I'm more than a little disgusted that this is my first post of 2011, and the year is more than half over. C'est la vie.