In Your Hands

Here I am, the prodigal

The one who thought he knew it all

But never really understood

Before the fall

I'm crawling back upon my knees

To serve in any way you please

And praying to you for a cure

From this disease

The one that makes me try to hide

From the one who sees

 

My life is in your hands

Just like it's always been

And the only thing for me to do

Is surrender once again

Please hold me in your arms

And keep me in your plans

'Cause there's nowhere else on earth I'd rather be

Than forever in your hands

 

Here I am, the broken one

When everything just comes undone

And all my plans are doomed before

They have begun

Now I realize it's true

That I am nothing without you

And I have to give up my old self

For something new

To live my life to serve your glory

It's all that I can do

 

A Pause for Self-Reflection

The Boston Marathon was literally blown up last week. As of this writing, one of the bombers is dead, while the other is in the capable(?) hands of the FBI. Three people have been confirmed dead, including an 8-year-old boy. The news outlets, now that the excitement and bloodshed has come to a conclusion, have been trumpeting the stories of their lives in the most melodramatic way possible.   I cannot watch. I don't want to know who they were. I don't want to know their hopes and dreams, their plans for the future, the friends and family left behind. It's not that I lack compassion; it's that dwelling upon their pain fills me with a sense of hopelessness and rage. I cannot cope with it. I want to lash out at the world, and at God, not just for the injustice that they have suffered, but, sadly enough, for the pain and sorrow I have endured as well.   Is that selfishness on my part? Of course. Is it indicative of a lack of faith? I don't know. I feel like the disciples did when they were terrified of the storm, of the waves smashing their boat to bits, and so they wake Jesus and ask him to calm the seas. He does, and then proceeds to rebuke the disciples for thinking they were in danger in the first place.   Sometimes I feel like a man in the wilderness I'm a lonely sailor lost at sea Drifting with the tide Never quite knowing why Sometimes it makes no sense at all   That's me. Except in my case, I can't get the sleeping Jesus to wake up.   This is of course foolishness on my part. Jesus, or rather the Holy Spirit, is wide awake and watching my every move, providing guidance and protection, and telling me I am loved and safe in the Father's arms. I just wish I could hear his voice.   I hear the world just fine. I hear it telling me that it's okay to satisfy my own wants and desires, no matter who gets hurt in the process. I hear it telling me that I better get what I can out of life now, because my only shot of happiness in the future depends on it. I hear it telling me that to wait on the Lord means missing out on life. I hear it calling me to abandon (again) principles I once took pride in. Honesty. Integrity. Truth.   The world lies. Listening to those lies only leads to guilt, bitterness, and self-loathing. I can't do it anymore.   Once again, I vow to put my burdens in a big box, wrapped in shiny paper with a pretty bow on top, and leave the whole mess at the altar. Here Jesus, you deal with it.   It's not the first time I've done this. It won't be the last.   Good thing nobody reads this blog...

Bad Habits

The Devil made me do it

That's always the excuse

Every time I turn my back on you

But the fault is wholly mine

Whenever I choose

To do the things you don't want me to do

I don't know why I do

All the things to disappoint you

And I don't know why you love me anyway

 

(When) I fall into the same old bad habits

The same old bad choices

The same mistakes and compromises

That I always make

But you tell me I'm forgiven

And your arms are open wide

And you give me all the love that I can take

 

I'm tired of living with the guilt

That eats me up inside

When I think of all the bad things I have done

All the promises I've broken

All the truth that I denied

And every consequence from which I've run

So excuse me if I have

A little trouble understanding

Why you would even give me the time of day

 

There is nothing I can do

To make amends for hurting you

How can I say I'm sorry when

I know I'll do it all again

Apologies aren't good enough

To make me worthy of your love

But you give it anyway

And I don't know what to say

Strange

I was just a simple boy in search of someone

That I could share a life of simple dreams

Two story home with white picket fences

But life is not as easy as it seems

 

You weren't supposed to be the one I fell for

And I don't know what it is you see in me

My world is now extremely complicated

And I guess that's just the way it has to be

 

How did our lives get so strange?

How in the world will we cope with all the change?

What do we have to rearrange?

How did our lives get so strange?

 

I don't belong around your social circles

And you certainly aren't comfortable in mine

We go together like oil and water

But if opposites attract then we're fine

 

Let's make our own destiny

And together, you and me

We'll bend the world to fit to our desire

It don't matter what they say

Because I love you anyway

And our differences will only fuel the fire

Moving On

You were the one

And I knew from the start

I'd find a way

If I followed my heart

I was lost

When I looked into your eyes

I fell in love

So imagine my surprise

 

You told me you loved me

Then walked on out the door

You trampled my heart

And you left it on the floor

It hit me so hard

That I can barely stand

Now I'm doing the only thing I can

 

(chorus)

I'm moving on

But I'm leaving part of me behind

My trust and my innocence

They'll be left for someone else to find

Gonna chain up my heart

Can't afford to be kind

I'm moving on

If I can just get you out of my mind

 

I used to be

Such a boy among men

You'd come around

And you'd toy with me again

You promised me

Things too good to be true

But I believed

Every word that came from you

 

You know what you are

And you know what you've done

You made me believe

That I was the only one

You told me not to trust you

But I did it anyway

Now there's only one thing left for me to say

 

chorus

 

instrumental break - 16 measures

 

I guess I should thank you

For making me this way

Today I'm much smarter

Than I was yesterday

Cause now I know better

Than to believe the lies

The next time I fall into a pair of eyes

 

chorus

 

Keep On Reaching

The road is long and winding

And you don't know where it leads

But it's better than the place you're coming from

At the end of the rainbow

You'll find everything you need

Heaven only knows what dreams will come

Let your heartbeat be the beating of the drum

 

Keep on reaching for a star

And stay true to who you are

Don't you know that your time is coming soon

Give yourself a second chance

And don't be afraid to dance

Before too long the radio is gonna be

Playing your tune

 

Your happily ever after

Wasn't quite the way you planned

But your story still has chapters left to write

Just know that I have faith in you

And I'll always be your friend

So any time there's battles you must fight

Just call and I'll be right there by your side

 

Don't give up and don't give in

The power you need is there within

You're stronger now than you have ever been

 

Fall Into Me

I was dreaming in a world of twilight

Filled with shades of gray

Stuck inside a time of way back when

Then I awoke to living color

When I saw your face

You showed me it's okay to love again

 

Fall into me like I fell into you

Surrender yourself to a love that is true

Give me your heart like I gave mine to you

I will keep it safe

Come to me now, here in my arms

Holding you close and sheltered from harm

Giving you peace, cozy and warm

I will love you all my days

 

You've been looking to escape from

The chains around your heart

Afraid of what it means to be free

Now the door is open

But you don't know where to start

Instead of holding back hold onto me

 

I was captured in the moment that I looked into your eyes

And as I fell ever deeper I began to realize

That my life was changed forever; there can be no compromise

'Cause I can't live without your love