Can I See You Tonight

Desperation
I'm callin' out your name
I feel the ache inside
Can you take away the pain
I'm tired of waiting
To finaly see the day
I can hold you in my arms
There has got to be a way

Oh baby, can I see you tonight
Baby, will you turn on the light
The one that leads me to your door
'Cause I can't find it anymore
Ever since the day you told me goodbye

Times are changin'
And I've fallen off my stride
I can't live another day
Without you by my side
I can't escape it
The feeling is too strong
Our lovin' is so right
I just know it can't be wrong

Just Another Christmas Song

Well Halloween is barely gone

There's Black Friday deals on Amazon

But I don't understand why they're on

'Cause it ain't Thanksgiving yet

There are Santas on my TV screen

With the networks raking in the green

And in all the excitement it seems

That there's one thing we forget

That's the reason for the season

This is just another Christmas song

And it won't be here for very long

'Cause when January comes along

They're put away where they belong

So let's sing a song to Jesus Christ

Who took our sin and paid the price

See it's not about the presents or a tree

It's about eternal life for you and me

The PA's in the shopping malls

Play "Jingle Bells" and "Deck The Halls"

And I wonder if we know at all

What we're really doing here

'Cause we'll wait five hours in the rain

For a Barbie doll or Xbox game

And we never really act the same

Any other time of year

Let it lead us back to Jesus

Let's put the Christ back into Christmas

And never miss a chance to witness

To what the Savior's doing in our lives

And let's sing our songs to Jesus Christ

Who took our sin and paid the price

And sacrificed himself upon the tree

To buy eternal life for you and me

Where Do I Belong

Father, if you're listening

I need to talk to you

There's a burden on my heart

And I don't know what to do

 

I've always tried to follow

Where the spirit leads

But the place that I have come to

Conflicts with what I read

 

How can something feel so right

When the Bible says it's wrong

Your word is written on my heart

And it's been there all along

So how do I explain

Why this feeling is so strong

Father, please tell me

Where do I belong

 

Lord, if you got time

I got something to say

I'm tired of feeling all alone

Each and every day

 

So tell me if you can

Is the one I'm waiting for

The one that I would give my heart

For now and ever more

All I Have To Do

Lord what must I do

To live forevermore

Should I sell all my possessions

And give the money to the poor

 

Do I love my God with all my heart

And my neighbor as myself

Do I set aside for the church

Ten percent of all my wealth

 

I know that I can never buy

Forgiveness for my sin

But you gave to me

A way to enter in

 

All I have to do is believe in you

All I have to do is know your word is true

It's true

You make all things new

I believe you came to rescue me

You took the chains upon yourself to set me free

I'm free

And in you I'll always be

Trust you

That's all I have to do

 

I fall short of your glory

And I will for all my days

'Cause I fail all your commandments

In a thousand different ways

 

If it's up to me I'll never see

The beauty of your face

But it's through your love

And your amazing grace

 

You take away my guilt and shame

All by the power of your name

Your righteousness is mine to claim

If I believe in you

It's all I have to do

You're Not Here

I sit here on the grass

Staring at the stone

Your name is etched upon it

Surrounded, yet alone

I think of all our dreams

And the plans we used to make

The things we'd do together

The trips that we would take

And I'm reminded...

You're not here

 

I lie here in my bed

There's room enough for two

But only one that sleeps here

Looks like it needs you too

There's lightning in the window

In the coming of the storm

And in spite of all the blankets

I just cannot stay warm

It's all because...

You're not here

 

You're not here to see the way the kids

Are growing up so tall

You're not here to know how being alone

Has made me feel so small

You're not here to watch the way that I

Have broken down and cried

You're not here to feel the cancer as

It eats you up inside

 

I sit here in the pew

Listening to the Word

Of Jesus' resurrection

It's the sweetest ever heard

You're in the Father's arms now

Free from any pain

And I have the blest assurance

That I'll see you once again

And it's okay that...

You're not here

Odds & Sods

I don't like to post incomplete things. Stories, songs, whatever. This is supposed to be a collection of stuff with a beginning, middle, and end - it's not a diary where I sit and kvetch about inconsequential nonsense, and how my life isn't going how I thought it would, and blah blah blah. Blech.

There comes a point where I have to get stuff down on "paper", before I lose/forget what I was working on. Vapor trails, and all that. That being said, I need to get some bits and pieces of songs somewhere permanent before they disappear into the mist.

Grace Abounding

I want to die to the power of sin and death
I want to live for the one who gives me breath
I want to be an example of righteousness
And grace abounding
Sing to the glory of his name
Who lifted me from the depths of my guilt and shame
Invited me into a kingdom I could not claim
And turned my life around

Not So Much

Tell me why can't I learn how to trust you
Why can't I give you my heart
Why do I keep doing all of those things
That constantly tear us apart
Why do I find it so hard to believe
In something that I can't touch
Your grace is sufficient
But my faith, not so much

Overcome Me

You've overcome the world
Now overcome me
I stumble in the darkness
'Cause I'm too blind to see
Your plans are so much greater
Than mine could ever be
You've overcome the world
Please overcome me

Demolition Day

"Our long national nightmare is over." - Gerald Ford

 

Toward the end of May I came to the conclusion (with the not-so-subtle encouragement of park management) that the leaky, falling-apart sieve of a mobile home that had been, well, home for almost nine years had gone well past its useful lifespan (35 years) and needed to be totally gutted and rebuilt, or needed to be gone. I thought long and hard about trying to fix it up for oh, about 30 seconds, and decided that idea was a total non-starter. Time to find a new place to hang my hat.

 

That is, if I ever wore one. Might have to buy a new hat too.

 

Looked at what it would cost for a new unit. $125,000. Uh, no. I had that kind of money once, but not at this time in my life, and didn't want a mortgage payment on top of space rent.

 

Lo and behold, there was an empty unit that had been foreclosed on two years earlier, right across the street, listed at $44,500. That's more like it! An escrow officer friend from church put me in touch with her realtor friend, and we made a nice lowball offer to the bank holding the note. They countered, I accepted. $42K. Game on!

 

Since none of this was instantaneous, it left me with a 10-day window to close escrow before July 1. Oh dear. Now I had to wrangle the cooperation of my own bank, first to close out two accounts (which by some lame fedearl regulation or whatnot takes three days), have them overnight the checks to me (why couldn't they just wire it to my checking account? I dunno), and then beg the accounts guy at my local branch to make the funds available the next day so I could wire the whole shebang to the escrow company. It closed late afternoon on June 30.

 

The nice thing about moving a grand total of 50 feet is that you don't have to pack much, other than books, CDs, knicknacks, and the like. Just pile stuff on a dolly and wheel it across the street. By the end of the first day we had the beds, dresser, bookcases, and living room chairs (the couch stayed) moved. The rest of the weekend brought the kitchen contents. I ended up hand washing every single dish, pot, pan, piece of silverware, etc.

 

Bought all new appliances (we inherited a dryer left behind from the old owners - runs great), desk, nightstands, and shed.

 

Oh my god, the shed. Metal shed, 6' x 8'. How much trouble could it be to put it together? Shouldn't take more than a few hours for me and the teenager, right?

 

Took the better part of two days (not to mention a few chunks of skin from the two of us). Used more than 200 screws, nuts, bolts, washers - each (actually double the washers). It stands slightly crooked, just enough to offend my OCD-ness, but nowhere near enough to justify trying to straighten out.

 

The rest of July was spent slowly going through each room of the old house and going through what was left. Closets. Toy boxes. Hope chest. And where the hell did all these dirty clothes come from???

 

Saturday was demolition day. I can't tell you what a surreal experience it was seeing this huge backhoe (with a "thumb" attachment) tear massive chunks out of the place I called home longer than anywhere else I can remember. I can't tell you because I haven't yet processed how I feel about it. My new house is way nicer (if much smaller), and will eventually feel like home, once I get all the boxes of books out of the middle of my living room. I may burst into tears at some point in the future for no apparent reason, but we'll just have to see. It feels like I have a mild case of post traumatic stress disorder. The past 2 1/2 months have certainly not been easy, but they are in the past.

 

The future is ours to make.