Top (Bottom?) 10 Singles I Hate From Artists I Love

What the heck - I haven't done a list for a while. I was listening to my iPod the other day (I do full albums, and I don't shuffle) and a song so cringeworthy came on that I almost broke my hand trying to skip to the next song. It got me wondering: how can a band so awesome not only put out such crap as this, but actually release it as a single so as to inflict it upon the radio-listening public? So without further adieu...

Top (Bottom?) 10 Singles I Hate From Artists I Love

10. Led Zeppelin, "Candy Store Rock". From the album Presence. There weren't a lot of Led Zep songs released as singles (AOR stations usually played whatever they felt like from the album tracks) but this was an exceptionally odd choice, given that "Nobody's Fault But Mine" was an acceptable length for airplay ("Achilles' Last Stand" and "Tea For One" were too long) and directly before it on the same album.

9. The Who, "Don't Let Go The Coat". From the album Face Dances. The Who kind of jumped the shark after the death of Keith Moon. There were still flashes of brilliance - "You Better You Bet" and "Eminence Front" - on the two albums that followed. "Another Tricky Day" would have been a much better choice.

8. Metallica, "Frantic". From the album St. Anger. Given that I pretty much detest the entire album, this is not a huge shock.

7. Pink Floyd, "Not Now John". From the album The Final Cut. See #8.

6. Rush, “Virtuality”. From the album Test For Echo. Net boy, net girl? Gahhhh… Not the first song they have ruined with a lousy chorus, but sheesh. I guess it could have been worse – they could have released "Dog Years” instead.

5. Iron Maiden, “The Angel And The Gambler”. From the album Virtual XI. Never mind that Blaze Bailey was probably the worst possible replacement for Bruce Dickinson – seriously, who picks a new singer that can’t handle 2/3 of the band’s back catalogue? – but the album track repeats the refrain “Don’t you think I’m a savior; don’t you think I can save you; don’t you think I can save your life” XXII times! That’s two complete (virtual) football teams! The radio edit cuts out some of the excess (from 9:53) to make it marginally more listenable, but still…

4. Queen, “Body Language”. From the album Hot Space. I could have picked the excreble “Back Chat” (also a single) in its place, but coming off the brilliance that was The Game, the first single (and the horrible video that promoted it) was such a slap in the face to the Queen fanbase that it took years to salvage their reputation.

3. Kansas, “People Of The South Wind”. From the album Monolith. The song that inspired this list. Walsh, Livgren, and the boys channel their inner Village People. Yes, I know it’s about the Kanza tribe that gave the state (and the band) its name. But violins do not belong in a disco song, and disco songs do not belong on a Kansas album! And for God’s sake, don’t put it out as a single (which thankfully bombed) when the gorgeous “On The Other Side” is available.

2. Genesis, “Invisible Touch”. From the album of the same name. Yes, I know it’s their only #1 song. I still hate it. It’s the epitome of pop excess, and the wholesale rejection of the prog roots they came from when Peter Gabriel and Steve Hackett were part of the band.

Last, and least…

1. Elton John, “Candle In The Wind 1997”. #1 best selling single of all time. Words cannot possibly describe how much this song pisses me off. Sir Elton mangled his own beautiful tribute to Marilyn Monroe to rededicate it to the awful Princess Diana – the ‘80s version of Kim Kardashian, minus the added benefit of a sex tape. No, she did not deserve the media hounding she received, but neither did the simpering twit deserve the media adoration she got for marrying the (ostensibly) future King of England (who is actually a more decent guy than portrayed) and popping out a couple kids. Thankfully, EJ has placed a moratorium on performing the Diana version of Candle in concert.